Tainted Meat Monday

Rick Grimes machete

(Spoiler alert – if you are not properly caught up on this season of “The Walking Dead”, please avert your eyes)

There’s an old B-movie schlock-classic from 1980 by the name of “Motel Hell”, in which former western star Rory Calhoun inhabits the role of Vincent Smith, the proprietor of an out-of-the-way motel where hapless travelers are captured, fattened up and slaughtered for use in his self-branded Farmer Vincent’s Fritters (“it takes all kinds of critters to make Farmer Vincent’s fritters”).  However, as catchy as that little slogan might be, perhaps the most popular line from the movie was Farmer Vincent’s practical justification of his foray into cannibalistic agriculture.  “Meat’s meat, and a man’s gotta eat.”

Unless that man is Rick Grimes and the meat in question is human.  He doesn’t need to eat that badly, even in the midst of the zombie apocalypse, a point he was willing to prove to a spectacularly bloody and violent end.  So learned Gareth the Termite on Sunday night’s episode of “The Walking Dead”.  And I just have to say, this new and improved, take-no-s**t version of Rick Grimes is far and away the best Rick Grimes we’ve seen in 5 seasons.  I hope he hangs around for a while.

Anyway, rather than providing a recap of last night’s events (there’s certainly no shortage of those around the ‘net if you need one), I’m just going to throw out some random thoughts about the season thus far:

** All of the action sequences from “No Sanctuary” should be compiled into a music video using Def Leppard’s “Rock of Ages”.  Seriously.  Other than it being one of the most badass hard rock songs from my childhood, most of the lyrics to that song could have been written for the assault on Terminus (“Burn it up, let’s go for broke, watch the night go up in smoke, rock on…”).  Rock on, indeed.

**  Rick gave specific instructions that all the Termites needed to die.  Glenn objected.  And then what happened?  Gareth and his band of fine young cannibals proceeded to stalk the Grimes gang, capture and eat one of them, with the not-so-subtle intention of capturing and eating ALL OF THEM.  There is a lesson to be learned here, and it’s pretty simple:  at this point in the game, when Rick tells you to do something, shut your filthy cakehole and do it.

** “I’m being a human being here.  I’m talking to you.”  Mad props to you, Gareth for being decent enough to engage in a conversation with your meal.  All is forgiven.  o_O

** “TAINTED MEAT!!  YOU EATIN’ TAINTED MEAT!!”  I laughed almost as hard as Bob in that moment.   And then I laughed even harder when all the Termites spit out Bob’s leg meat as if they’d just discovered maggots in their half-chewed filet mignon.  Bastards…

**  Abraham, I hope at some point I’ll like you, but that point hasn’t arrived yet.

** “You can come out now.”  Everyone is abuzz with theories over the identity of Daryl’s mysterious companion, but I’m here to tell you, I’ve got it all figured out.  It’s not Carol or Beth or Morgan.  It’s actually Sean Patrick Flanery (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0144117/).  Because that would be awesome.

And that’s it for today, kiddos.  Gotta run now.  Need to go find a toothpick.  I think I have something in my teeth ….

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