** (Spoiler Alert: If you are not yet caught up on “The Walking Dead”, please avert your eyes) **
Last night’s episode of “The Walking Dead, so very appropriately entitled “Self Help”, was all about Abraham and Eugene, so as is customary with my Dead blogs, I’ll skip the recap and hit the high points::
** Guess what, boys and girls?? Eugene isn’t a scientist. Which should have come as a shock to NO ONE at this point. He is, however, an extremely smart, fast-talking perv who “knows how to do things” — like jack up fuel lines with crushed glass, wipe out a horde of zombies with a fire hose and carnival-game skills, and, perhaps more impressively, con an embarrassingly high number of people into risking their lives and even dying to protect his nerdy ass. The fact that it took the rest of our Dead crew so long to start questioning the obvious demonstrates a truth that is not simply relative to the world of “The Walking Dead” – hope can be blinding, and people will believe whatever they need to believe, no matter how unreasonable or illogical, in order to keep on keeping on. Not always a bad thing, but sometimes, just a little bit (such as in the Kirkman-created universe of the zombie apocalypse, where everyone needed to believe the guy with the mullet was going to save the world).
** Kudos to Glenn for finally asking the question: “Why the mullet?”, which begs the even bigger question, “Why did it take Glenn (or anyone else for that matter) so long to ask?” I understand not judging a book by its cover, but even if Eugene wasn’t sporting a Kentucky waterfall, he still refused to answer probing and reasonable questions, often falling back on “that’s classified” as if he was pleading the Fifth from a witness stand. Like I said – hope can be blinding.
** Abraham, I still don’t like you, and not because you’re an arrogant, unyielding bully who looks like a G.I. Joe action figure with really bad facial hair. I don’t like you because you are absolutely devoid of common sense and refuse to listen to those who have it (supplies and clean clothes are not worth an extra hour or two of time, but let’s walk down this road that’s going to lead everyone straight through two giant fields of walkers). I thought getting laid was supposed to help you relax, not wind you up tighter than a two-dollar watch. To be fair, however, i do feel a little bit sorry for you now that i know you killed a gang of jack-wagons trying to harm your family, only to have said family flee from you in horror and become zombie hors d’oeuvres. Then along comes a screaming, terrified Eugene, whose peril at the undead clutches of 3 walkers successfully distracted you from eating a bullet, and whose “mission” equipped you with a sense of purpose. Given everything you’ve gone through, the hope you’ve so desperately clung to, and the risks you’ve endured as you try to get Mullet Man to DC so that he can save the world, i completely understand why you went full-Tyson and possibly murdered him with 3 blows. But i still don’t like you. Sorry.
** I’m officially over Maggie and Glenn. There. I said it.
And that’s it for this week, folks! Back next week, same place, same time, hopefully with an answer to the other question on everyone’s mind: exactly whose ass is Carol going to kick once she gets off that gurney?