Cinematherapy: “Wanted”


Having one of THOSE days where life just won’t cooperate??  Anorexic bank account, late for work to a dead-end job you despise where your co-workers use your nerves as a trampoline and your boss decides to take up residency in your ass for the day?  Meet Wesley Gibson.  He’s having similar problems, except he also suffers from severe panic attacks because he won’t stand up to anyone about anything, not his boss, not his annoying, cheating girlfriend, or his even more annoying moocher “best friend” (not even when he uses Wesley to buy tropical-flavored condoms that will later be used with Wesley’s girlfriend). Even Wesley’s ATM has no respect for him, cussing him out when he tries to make a withdrawal from a nearly overdrawn account. This guy is having a really, really, super-awful, horrible bad day, but everything changes when he meets Angelina Jolie in a grocery store.  And no, she doesn’t adopt him.  Instead, she promptly explains that Wesley’s absentee father was the world’s greatest assassin, recently murdered (well – maybe not so great after all), and that the man responsible is now gunning for Wesley. Literally. Because right there, in the middle of the grocery store, while Wesley is buying more anti-anxiety meds, a gun battle erupts between Angie and the bad guy that leads to her pretty much kidnapping Wesley and taking him on a high-speed chase in a red Dodge Viper SRT-10 towards his destiny of becoming – you guessed it – an assassin (hey – if you’re gonna be kidnapped, might as well be by a gun-wielding Angelina Jolie in a red sports car). First order of business after being introduced to his new life?  Growing a pair, grabbing his keyboard and doing this to his “sack-of-s**t” best friend:

Wanted GIF

“Wanted”, directed by Timur Bekmambetov (“Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter”) and based on the comic book series by Mark Millar, is the perfect antidote for life when it decides it just has to be a little bitch. Pay no attention to the ridiculous plot involving magical looms and a 1000-year old fraternity of assassins. It’s a high-energy adrenaline rush complete with car chases, gun battles, explosions, train wrecks, curving bullets, pre-Professor Xavier James McAvoy in Die Hard mode, a brass-knuckled, ass-kicking Angelina Jolie, Chris Pratt before he was Lego awesome and Star-Lord sexy, and Morgan Freeman doing his best Samuel L. Jackson as the bad guy (in this episode of The Electric Company, Easy Reader teaches us the word “motherf***er”). The cherry on top is Danny Elfman’s hard-driving, pulse-pounding soundtrack in a welcome departure from his trademark demented carnival sound (his original  song, “The Little Things” is great for a workout and not to be missed (

So, pop in the DVD or Blu-ray, download it, or cue it up – no matter the method, sit back, relax and enjoy this awesomely mindless, ass-kicking remedy.  It’s just what the doctor ordered.


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