**if you have not yet seen the latest episode of “Mad Men”, please avert your eyes**
Last night’s episode of Mad Men, “New Business”, should have been subtitled “Misery Loves Company”, and let me tell you why:
You Can’t Go Home Again. As with last week’s season premiere, this week’s offering opened with a fake-out, only this time instead of making us think Don was about to make it with a high-class hooker, he’s making milkshakes for his sons in what was clearly Henry Francis’ kitchen, while Betty pops in, impeccably dressed as always, to hand him a couple glasses and chat about how she’s returning to college to get her degree in psychology (does anyone else think this may be the most misguided career choice ever?). For a moment, I found myself actually wondering if Betty had given Henry the old heave-ho and she’d been awarded the house as part of some divorce settlement. It was an idyllic moment, even for the Drapers, until Henry comes along just in time to remind us that this is NOT an episode of Lost. Don makes a hasty exit, but not without pausing for a long, wistful look at what he might have had, hitting Mad Men fans everywhere ….
Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want. Remember Di, the waitress and harbinger of death from last week’s episode? ONCE AGAIN, she’s back this week, largely because Don has been stalking her. Having discovered that she works at a different restaurant, Don digs deep into his bag of overused tricks and turns up, ONCE AGAIN, as a customer at one of her tables. And, ONCE AGAIN, she sorta rebuffs him.
Unable to take “sorta no” for an answer, Don hands her his business card and suggests she call him. She does. At 3:00 a.m. In no time flat, the formerly pj-clad Draper has “donned” (see what i did there?) a suit and tie to greet his booty call at the door, after which he engages her in the absolute worst foreplay in the history of ever by quizzing her about whether she’d like a drink (already drunk) or if she’s hungry (not for food anyway). Dude, when a drunk woman shows up on your doorstep at 3:00 a.m., it isn’t because she’s looking for vodka and crackers.
Thankfully, Di dispensed with the ridiculous chit-chat and cut straight to the chase. Before long, the two are heading towards what appears to be an actual relationship, and while intriguing, it bears pointing out that this woman loves liquor and has more baggage than you could reasonably check at an airline, which means…wait for it ….Don Draper is now basically having sex with himself ……
Million Dollar Baby: Megan Calvet Draper and her Chiclet-sized teeth showed up to make what I hope will be their final appearance so that she could finish moving her things out of the marital residence. And because Megan can never do things easily, she decided to enlist the help of her horrid sister and Mama Marie (the fabulously uber-bitchy Julia Ormond). Unfortunately, Marie is left in charge of the move when Megan takes off for what she believes will be a career-focused lunch meeting with Harry Crane. By the time all is said and done, Marie has decided to exact revenge on behalf of her daughter, literally having EVERYTHING removed from the apartment, then calling up Roger and his mustache to come over and pay the movers for the extra work. Megan returns to the empty apartment after a disastrous lunch (more about that in a moment) to discover that Roger and Marie have quite obviously *ahem* reacquainted themselves with one another.
Appropriately horrified, Megan scolds both Mr. Mustache and Mama before storming out. By the time she meets Don for a pre-meeting before the actual meeting involving their attorneys, she’s bitter, angry, whining about how he ruined her life and dropping dirty truth bombs all over the place. Don strokes a check for a million dollars, probably less an act of benevolence and more as a way of getting her to shut the F up. After initially questioning the sincerity of Don’s generosity, she snatches up the check and leaves behind Anna’s ring along with any smidgen of respect I may have had for her.
But I’m A Creep. Remember that career-focused lunch meeting I mentioned before? Within less than 5 minutes of sitting down with Harry, Megan soon learned that there would be no lunch and that his “loyalty” to her career would come with a price tag that involved a hotel room and….and ….
And as if that wasn’t revolting enough, Harry kicked it up a notch by plainly suggesting that Megan isn’t getting anywhere in Hollywood because she isn’t getting it on with pervy agents such as himself, officially making Harry Crane ….
You Can’t Always Get What You Want. Having paid a cool million to rid himself of his spoiled brat 2nd wife, Don promptly heads over to Di’s apartment to tell her the good news. Unfortunately, Di isn’t all about continuing their relationship, a point upon which she brutally elaborates when she explains she fears her happiness with Don will cause her to forget about the daughter she abandoned when her other daughter died from the flu. Uh…..
Of course, we all know what she’s really hiding … a vampire husband and several glittering vampire children back in Washington State ….
Stray Observation No. 1: For a mind-blowing second week in a row, Pete Campbell (and his disappearing hairline) emerges as the least disgusting man on the show, offering up the night’s most thought-provoking sentiment about starting over: “you think you’re gonna begin your life over, and do it right, but what if you never get past the beginning again?”
Stray Observation No. 2: Stan and Peggy. Can this just happen already?!?!?