Mad Men Musings: “The Forecast”

Don Mad Men The Forecast

** If you have not yet seen the latest episode of Mad Men, please avert your eyes

This week’s episode of Mad Men, appropriately entitled “The Forecast”, is all about future plans.  Some people have ’em, some people don’t, and others just don’t care, like Mathis …

You Dropped the Bomb on Me.  The F-bomb that is.  Creative underling Mathis (do we even know this guy’s first name??) sends Pete Campbell into nothing short of a hissy-fit when he drops the F-bomb during a client meeting with executives from Peter Pan.  Pete wants to fire the guy.  Peggy doesn’t.  Don ultimately decides no one is getting fired. Unfortunately, he later learns this may not have been the wisest decision after Mathis approaches him for help in how to mend fences with the pissed-off peanut butter execs.  In another unwise play, Don relates what he hopes will be a helpfully inspiring story in which he once chided a Lucky Strikes exec during a follow-up meeting by proclaiming, “I’m surprised you have the balls to walk back in here after the way you embarrassed yourself.”  And then Mathis repeats it verbatim to the Peter Pan suits.  As Peggy and Pete recoiled in horror, the rest of us were all …..

JImmy Fallon Laughing

Apparently not content to half-ass his own demise, Mathis barges into Don’s office, blows up, blames Don for the meeting’s failure, then insults him:  “You don’t have any character.  You’re just handsome!”  Hey, Mathis…guess what???

You're Fired

Mommie Dearest.  Joan.  Joan….Joan.  Pardon me while i take a moment to say …

What the F

I get that you and your torpedo tits are lonely and you’ve had really, REALLY bad luck with men (the father of your child is nothing but a walking hard-on with a Monopoly mustache, and your ex was …. wait a minute … what’s the word ……..a rapist, yeah….that’s it!).  And when Captain Pike, I mean Richard (aka Bruce Greenwood), literally wanders into your life from that West Coast leisure suit convention he was so obviously attending, I totally get that it was hard for you to resist his divorced, multi-millionaire status.  But when dude freaks out and rage-dumps you after finding out you’ve got a kid, no matter how much money he has, no matter how many apology roses he offers, and no matter how awesome he looks rockin’ an Apache scarf, under no circumstances, not even as a joke, do you EVER OFFER TO SEND YOUR KID AWAY…

Beyonce (2)

You send Leisure Suit Larry away because if he was anything other than a selfish a**hole, he would have reacted differently to news of your motherhood, i don’t care what kind of awesome pyramid-exploring plans he made for himself. But hey – congratulations, Joanie!  You just made Betty Draper “Mother of the Year” — the same woman who used a shotgun to take out her neighbor’s pet pigeons and allowed her 5-year old to wear a plastic dry-cleaning bag over her head.

Betty Draper

…and speaking of Betty …

Here’s to You, Mrs. Francis.  Jesus loves you more than you will know.  And so does Glen Bishop.  Remember Sally’s creepy little friend with the scandalously divorced mother, who boldly walked in on Betty while she was on the toilet then asked for a lock of her hair?? Well, he’s back, all grown up, and freshly enlisted in the Army, much to Sally’s budding activist outrage and Betty’s reserved horror.  Apparently, poor Glen flunked out and, in an effort to make his stepdad proud, joined the army, except that in the 1970’s, joining the army was the equivalent of signing your own death warrant. His intentions were noble, but incredibly misguided as he believed all of this would cause Betty to fall madly in-love with him and … you know … sex.

Fist Pump

Unfortunately for Glen, Betty wasn’t into it, and in a surprisingly level-headed moment, explained she wouldn’t be able to fulfill the young GI’s fantasies because …she’s married???

DeFranco

How is being married the most important reason for a 40-year old woman to abstain from having sex with a minor???? Ellie Kemper.

Regardless, Betty manages to talk some actual sense into the kid, and level up a little respect when she sends him away to the uncertainty of his fate, offering the kind reassurance that she believes he’s going to make it.  And then he’s gone and she’s a little bit sad…and so are we….

native american tear

Young Girl, Get Outta My Mind.  Not to be outdone in the Letourneau Department, Don reciprocates a rather mild flirtation with one of Sally’s friends during dinner before seeing them all off at the bus station for their Teen Tour of 12 states in 12 days.  Poor Sally. It wasn’t enough that she caught Roger in the act of receiving Dickish Delight from Megan’s mom …

Beyonce

…only to then catch her dad actually having sex with his neighbor….

Jim Carrey

…but now she’s got to sit through dinner watching her friend brazenly flirt with her dad…and dad going along with it…

Jennifer Lawrence

Understandably horrified with her father, Sally wastes no time reminding him that her friend is 17. He explains he’s very well aware of her age, labeling the girl “fast” and justifying his behavior by claiming he didn’t want to embarrass her in front of everyone at the table by calling her out.

Seinfeld

Sally is having none of this, and pushes the button on a nuclear explosion of truth about both her parents:  “Anyone pays attention to either of you – and they always do – you just ooze everywhere,”

OohBurn

Don recovers quickly enough to avail his disgusted young daughter of the notion that she isn’t already like her parents, uttering perhaps the night’s best line  “You ARE like your mother and me, you’re going to find that out.  You’re a very beautiful girl. It’s up to you to be more than that.”  Unfortunately, we may never know if she does.

Oh, What A Lonely Boy.  If you’re my age, then you remember (either fondly or with much derision) the AM Gold classic “Lonely Boy” by, well…Andrew Gold.  The ironically upbeat song tells the tale of a boy who was pretty much neglected for the majority of his life (later used to brilliantly heartbreaking effect during a non-pornographic scene in Boogie Nights). While watching this episode, I couldn’t help but think of the song when Joan lashed out indirectly at her sweet, tow-haired little tot for ruining her life, and then again when Glen exited stage left to the terrifying uncertainty of his fate.  But never did i feel it more than in the last moment of the show, when Don arrived home to discover his formerly annoyed real estate agent gleefully gushing over having sold his failure soaked, wine-stained apartment.  After delivering the good news, she politely ushers him out of his former residence, literally closing the door on a chapter of his life, leaving him hat in hand, without a plan and more alone than he’s ever been in his entire existence, while Roberta Flack soulfully croons “the first time ever i saw your face” and ….and….

....why are you doing this to him, Matt Weiner?!?  Why?!?!?!

Why are you doing this to him, Matt Weiner?!? WHY??????!!!!!!

…the forecast is depressing with a 100% chance of bleak.

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